Beyond Tolerance 4: Gender and Sexuality Workshop

I participated (and volunteered) in the Gender and Sexuality Workshop at the Beyond Tolerance 4 Event tonight (12/4/09) at Vanguard High School on the upper east side. The first hour of the event was devoted to "tabling and snacks", where everyone had an opportunity to go around to various tables, learn about their services/beliefs, and sign up to be in the workshops of our choice.

The bathrooms on the floor where all of the workshops were help had signs over the "men" and "women" signs that said "gender neutral bathroom". I had a unique experience when I wanted to use the bathroom that I had never experienced before. I walked into the bathroom at the same time as a boy, and it made me extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious in a way. I am so used to walking out of a bathroom stall and washing my hands next to other girls. It was different for me to be standing between a boy and a transgender washing my hands. I learned that the bathrooms were labeled this way to avoid the stereotype that there are only males OR females, and no middle ground. Transgenders are not considered in the binary-gender bathroom assignments. It is important to include those who are biologically considered one sex, while identifying with the other sex. As important as I think it is to include this gender group, I am not sure how appropriate it is for women and men to use the same bathroom. I found myself confused on what position I take on the idea of a "gender neutral" bathroom. While I feel it is important on one hand, I also feel it is improper for women and men to be mixed into one bathroom. Going to the bathroom is a private act, where men and women (biologically speaking) have different experiences (sorry Corey and Edwin for that comment). I don't know... I guess I am still not clear on my position on this so I am going to move on to the workshop...

This workshop was designed to promote awareness about different terms, stereotypes, and assumptions about gender and sexuality. The leader of the workshop was a transgender named Kiwi, an associate of NYQueer. Most of the participants in the workshop were all high school students, most of whom were LGBT associated. My job as the "room captain" for this workshop was to make sure we were running on schedule and keeping Kiwi on track (basically time management). I also worked the computer for the slide show while Kiwi presented. First, we sat at tables in groups of 4-5. Each group was given a blank pievce of chart paper and markers. We were asked to create (draw) the stereotypical man and woman with respects to name appearance, a typical job, personal interests, romantic partner preference for both genders. We presented our drawings to the whole group and then discussed what we noticed on all of the chrts. We made the following generalizations: men are more masculine in appearance (muscles, short hair, etc.), women are more feminine and "girly" in appearance (breasts, long hair, clothing such as a dress), and that romantic relationships are woman/man. We then made 3 categories of gender: the woman, the man, and the transgender, which was neither fully a man or woman.

Next, we had a powerpoint presentation with definitions, examples, and pictures of several terms that are associated with gender and sexuality. We defined gender as a culture/system of meaning assingned to, associated with, and expected of people according to the interpretation of their bodies. We talked about how the institutionalized gender is typically binary (female and male). We talked about some terms associated with the identity of those two genders: female/girl/woman/mother/grandmother/sister/aunt/lady versus male/boy/man/fathergrandfather/brother/uncle/gentleman. We also talked about names that are given to represent the gender identity of an individual; names for females can include Sasha, Jennifer, or Mary while names for males include Henry, Paul, and Jack. Not only do these two sexes have names associated with their gender, but also pronouns (her/she and his/he). We talked about the sterotypical roles that women and men have. Women tend to be the caretaker of children and the househoold while men tend to work outside of the home and are considered the bread-winners. Clothing/self-expression was defined as the way people represent their gender identity. We defined heterosexism as the belief that everyone is heterosexual because it is the expected partnership and the general norm for romantic and sexual partners. There are several things that contribute to gender expression (how one dresses, acts, etc.) including: time, age (different expectations at different ages), religion/beliefs, culture, and race/ethnicity. I learned the difference between "sex" and "gender". Sex is a gender identidy that is usually based on biological aspects such as chromosomes and genitalia. It is something that is created; it is a social construction that can be "decontructed" through gender expression, which is based on cultural beliefs. A transgender is a person who transgresses the gender assigned to their body upon birth and does not identify with the assigned gender. We looked at other terms of genders that are not part of the binary definition: transsexual, cross dresser, drag queen/kind, gender queer, intersex (formally known as hermaphrodite), hijra, kathoey, two-spirit, and butch/Femme queen. Just as there are pronouns for men and women, there are gender neutral pronouns. "Ze" is the term used inplace of "he and she" and "hir" (pronounced "here") is the term used in place of her, hers, him, or his. Kiwi talked about the importance of asking people what pronoun they would like to apply to them. Some transgenders prefer to be called "ze" than he, she, he/she, etc. Others choose to be associated with the pronoun of their preferred (expressed) identity. Finally, we discussed different terms that are used to express someone's sexual orientation such as: bisexual, lesbian, gay, queer, pansexual (someone attracted to all genders- men, women, transgenders, etc.), straight, or two-spirit. This slide with the sexual orientation terms had a picture of a rainbow surrounding all of the terms. Kiwi said that the rainbow represents the multiple differences in gender identity, expression, and sexual orientation (this is the reason I have chosen to color-code this post in order to express the many differences of gender and sexuality).

With ten minutes left in the workshop, we participated in a group activity. We all stood in a circle, facing inward. One volunteer at a time had to give an example of how gender plays out in schools (heterosexism, homophobia, and transphobia). For example, Kiwi started with the fact that bathrooms and sports are two things that are designated to someone's biological gender (male or female). I volunteered next and gave an example of many picture books used in elementary schools that portray a family as a mother, a father, and children. With each example, we threw a ball of yarn across the circle. The final product formed a complicated web of how gender identity is limited in schools.

We finished the session by talking about some things that WE could do to combat this web of heterosexism or create change in our schools. One participant said it was important to have a voice. If you are uncomfortable with something or do not feel included in a particular way because your gender is not recognized, you need to speak up and demand a way for your gender to become recognized. Another student talked about expressions such as "that's so gay", which is commonly used among heterosexual people. It is important to discuss how sayings like these are hurtful and think of other ways to describe whatever happened that elicited that response.

This experience was really intersting for me. I was one of 2 people in the workshop (of about 20) that was "straight". I learned different terms that are used for different purposes. I also learned different ways to refer to a transgender person (using the transgender pronouns) because it is hurtful for them to be called a binary gender-specific pronoun. The experience was great and I really enjoyed it. I know there were many other workshops at this event, however I was working in this workshop so I was not able to experience the other sessions. I look forward to hearing what the other people who attended this event has to say about their experiences.